Thursday, December 17, 2009

How Time files

My goodladywife is very organised.

This is a good thing because I'm not. Relatively speaking.

I have spurts of organisation, where I clear out a load of crap, categorise stuff into appropriate subdivisions, and then bask in the glow of being able to find stuff in an instant for the fortnight that it takes until I mess it all up again.

For this reason, I am not in charge of storing the information on our finances, because I would probably think a badly stuffed suitcase with newer bank statements at the top, and older forms being compressed into some sort of dense, fossil-like strata that might one day be used as star ship fuel at the bottom is a perfectly acceptable form of hard copy storage.

Instead, we have a small metal storage cabinet (in case of fire) with space for payslips, bank stuff, insurance things, ID documents and wills etc etc etc. Makes sense, is easy to use, and there is absolutely no excuse or reason not to continue this practise.

I try and conform.

I really do.

I try and put my payslips in the appropriate receptacle at the end of the month, and I check I've been paid my overtime correctly because the system our employer uses to reimburse us is an elderly rhesus monkey who likes to make up random numbers on a calculator and then give that to us.


Occasionally, though, I leave a document for a while before I file it. Usually in the bottom of my bag, and then when I clean out the old orange peel and unidentifiably filled green sandwich, I come across it, file it away, and the missus is none the wiser.

This is practically standard operational procedure.

So it is a complete mystery to me why, when I leave my payslip in my pocket just prior to my trooz going into the laundry, no-one thought to make them washing machine proof:

Honestly, how am I going to file that?


  1. "elderly rhesus monkey"

    I heart you Jules.

    I am not in charge of finances in our house because I can't do anything without a calculator, while Husband is a maths genius.

  2. I believe that paystub really does belong in your badly stuffed suitcase storage system. They were made for each other.

  3. You took that payslip out of my purse, didn't you? I recognize it.

    I adhere to a careful "wadding" system of paperwork management. Once the wads have reached critical mass I put them in a plastic sack, tie them off tightly and stash them behind the bed.

    When I have enough of the filled bags, I'm going to mix them with mud and straw and build a house.

  4. Hello Jules,

    Perhaps you might look into receiving your paystub electronically; eliminating the possibility of drowning in a vat of soapy suds.


  5. I think someone makes a three dimensional scanner that will forensically unfold the pulpy stub which remains and reverse engineer the amounts printed on it.

  6. i so feel your pain, sugar! *sigh* as she stares at the mount of paperwork waiting to be filed.

  7. It's very rare that the fairer sex does not go through the pockets of her man of a night..

  8. There's no filing that, although I suspect that it may lead a useful second life as a tissue or small-gap filler...


  9. It's so good to have you back! I was starting to worry.

    I don't know which scares me more - the thought of filing my payslips and bank statements or the thought of being friends with somebody who files theirs.

  10. Soda and Candy - Heart ya back!

    SkylersDad - For when fossil fuels run out.

    Vic - If the banks used your system, the worldwide economy wouldn't be in the state it's in now.

    U - SSounds good. Unfortunately, I work for the NHS, where high-tech means the telly is on a shelf.

    Eric - Ooh, I want one! The things I'd scan.

    Savvy - Sounds like you need a new suitcase hon!

    Jimmy - True. I actually enjoy it if I'm still wearing the trousers.

    Pearl - Recycling? Very responsible.

    MLS - I have been madly caught up with all that reality stuff that keeps happening at me. And don't knock it till your other half has tried it!

  11. I've seen such wads come out of the washer in the past. The hubster gets upset that I "let it happen" but I tell him that they are his pockets. I don't "do" pockets. Heck, he's lucky I do all the laundry!

  12. Too easy..throw it out and when the good lady asks why there seems to be one missing you simply deny all knowledge of the loss. Stating confidently "well I put it into YOUR filing system, I cant be held responsible for what happens to it after that!"
    I did that and fooled my missus every time..of course she did get the shits and divorce me..but it wasn't anything to do with that...was it?

  13. Charlene - I think you should stop washing his pockets from now on.

    Tempo - The righteous indignation even when it's my fault is starting to wear thin in our house I believe. Might give it a go though.

  14. You know Australian currency notes are waterproof - no mushed up tenners stuck to balled-up flaky bits of tissue THAT side of the hemisphere.

    Cant they do the same with payslips?

  15. My system is flawless and I am going to share it...

    I receive my payslip and then I open it and then I wonder why I have it at all. Then my eyes look left and right and I wonder if anybody else knows why they have a payslip. Then I multiply the monthly amount by 12 and it doesn't make sense. Then I put it somewhere.

    It's worked for nearly 20 years and I haven't really noticed anything bad happening.

  16. Judearoo - See, the Ozzies are on an invention roll! First the rotary washing line, now waterproof money. What next?

    Alex - Seeing as you work in academia, you might expect your pay department to be good at adding up, so you don't have to worry. I, however, have no such luxury.

  17. i save all my receipts until i sit down and actually balance the books and then throw them out, which somtimes works better than others. mr. m is shredder. i mean he is religious about that shit which is a good thing, because he and i will never be setting things on fire that are not supposed to be burning whilst burning stacks of financial documents in a large soup pot.


  18. Maybe you should employ someone to tidy up after you. Mrs Jules doesn't seem to be doing a very good job. But it could have been worse. It could have been the dreaded paper hankie.

  19. alaina - pyrotechnic accounting has a lot to be said for it.

    Mdme DeF - It's a good point. If I can't blame society for making my documents idiot proof, then maybe I'll try blaming the missus for it. I think she'll be very understanding.

  20. You're lucky it's a heart-shaped wad. Just cuddle up to her and make doe-eyes and hand it to her. Say something like, "No amount of payslips will ever equal my love for you."

    Maybe put some glitter on it first.

    You're welcome.

  21. Just lift the lid and stuff the damn thing in. That's what I do. Then you'll get a few days worry-free before your other half finds it and causes a fuss. I'm always in trouble for stuffing stuff in the paperwork tin.

  22. I just send those to the IRS to give them something to think about.


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