Saturday, March 21, 2009


Occasionally, I set myself a challenge. Sometimes, it involves stopping crime or challenging injustices in the higher echelons of society. Other times, I aim to shift the balance of governmental power or find a new stable element and call it Dangermousium.

I rarely succeed in these, and am coming to the reluctant conclusion that I am setting the bar a tad on the high side. Even now, my self-imposed deadline for publishing a set of equations unifying gravity with current quantum theory is threatening to pass uncompleted because I can't find the plus button on my keyboard.

So, every now and then, I take things down a notch or two. One of those now-and-thens was a recent trip to the local supermarket, which is actually no bigger than most markets, and is essentially a big shop, so why it's called a supermarket I don't know. Moderatemarket would be more apt, I think. Anyway, I decided to take three photos on my phone which I would then put on this blog, be they funny, boring or just odd.

I walked in a picked a basket, which had a note in it. This in itself is not uncommon. People often leave their used shopping lists in the basket because they can't be arsed to take it out, and I'm one fo those interminable nosey sorts who will look at it, amazed that someone actually buys pink wafers and blue pop. I don't use shopping lists because I trust my memory, and anyway I quite enjoy the inevitable repeat trip for bread and milk 40 minutes later. Gets me out of the house.

This note though, wasn't a list, but an instruction:

It says "Lock Shed!", and even has a picture of a lock on it, to reiterate it's main thrust. I took a photo (obviously) as it's one of those things that raises lots of pointless questions, all of which serve no purpose whatsoever. Who left it? Don't they normally lock their shed? Why take the note to the supermarket, which is probably not where the shed is? Does the fast underlining mean that it's particularly important that the shed is locked today?Why? Is there a prisoner in it? Should I call the police and demand they start an investigation, perhaps using forensics and profiling and phones that go biddly-oop-oop and get answered after just one ring?

You know, the usual stuff.

After the nice lady asked me not to call 999 again, unless there was a real emergency, I continued with my shopping trip. Sadly, there was very little else that caught my eye in the Normalmarket, and I didn't fancy posting a picture of a dented tin, because that would be silly.

Also, I didn't see a dented tin.

So I bought a butty and went to the nearby churchyard to scoff it. Unfortunately, as I went to sit on a bench, I noted with disgust that there was poo on it:

I moved away and found another seat, and looked around for some picturey inspiration, but all I could find was a cruelly enclosed tree:

This did make me wonder what the point of the cage was, as it's too big to stop rabbits and squirrels, and there aren't any livestock in that area. It also doesn't stop local teens from using it as a cider-can-and-condom disposal unit, so I'm left with the only conclusion that the cage is to protect us from the tree, which is a terrifying thought.

So there you go. One set of random photos from a quick jaunt out. They're not big, and they're not clever, which suits me down to the ground.


Hey, there it is! It was right above the equals all the time!


  1. May I be the first to congratulate you on the 'plus' button. I hope you spend many happy hours together. Let no-one take anything away from your achievement.

    And I buy pink wafers.

  2. Good afternoon Jules,

    Thanks so much for the Chuck Norris URL. I went there and found lots of useless information but the lack of any pictures of noteworthy interest was what I found discouraging.

    A caged tree to protect the citizenry....hmmmm....quite interesting deduction Holmes.

    A dragon tree and now a caged tree. This has the makings of a tree fetish. Madame DeFarge has already discussed the subject of "wood".

    I'm beginning to feel as if I'm on the periphery of the discussion here.


  3. it's our moral duty to protect our bushes and keep them locked up!


  4. From the looks of it that was a young juniper and, therefore, possibly a delinquent or maybe a young female that someone wished to keep chaste. Or it's possible that the owner wanted to avoid running it over with the lawnmower or damaging it with a weed whacker (both of which I have been known to do to small, struggling, plant life).

  5. I'm just impressed over the fact that you managed to get your phone into photie mode.

    Maybe you could let me know how it's done, because I'm a real oul duffer when it comes to technology.

  6. I'm guessing that the structure helps the tree grow up in a narrow, thin fashion. No facts to support that, just that I have seen many of the tall, thin trees alongside roads in Southern California referred to as Italian Cypresses or something like that.

  7. It that you you call a tree? It looks all bush to me.

  8. The note was intended for you to make sure you locked the shed; did you?

    Thank god that tree/bush was locked up no telling what sort of harm it may have caused left unbridled

    I have no comment on the poo bench

  9. Mdme DeF - Thank you for felicitations. And for the insight into who buys pink wafers.

    The U - You're welcome. And that's not a discussion I'm going to get into. It's too hard.

    Miss A - Is that a euphemism?

    Douglas - That would make sense. I feel enlightened!

    Jimmy - check to see if your camera has a phone on it first, cos it might be easier to use.

    The Logistician - It's a working theory. I can go with that.

    Mr Bananas - It is more of a treelet, I suppose. But from tiny acorns do the mightiest . . . er . . . pine trees sprout.

    Neo - You can't sit on the fence with an issue as important as the poo bench. You must take a stance!

  10. ok but I am still on the fence about this Poo bench thing, seeming to be a bit on socialist side, but there again so are seat belt laws and curfew. I just hope that juniper doesn't escape.

  11. I can't help but worry that the person who lost their 'lock shed' note forgot in fact to lock the shed and something very bad happened to them. They probably had a dangerous tree in it.

  12. Prosy - If it's anything like the dangerous rubbish I keep in my shed, then you could be right.

  13. This was amusing and I hope you will make it a regular feature. I can always using an amusing mini-adventure.


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