Saturday, March 14, 2009

Boaring day out

I'm on holiday! We're currently at a B &/or B in East Devon, near Exmouth, and have really lucked out with the weather. Blue skies and white fluffy clouds as far as the eye can see.

I love this bit of Earth, and because my sprog is a bit young to be camping, we've splashed out on the aforementioned B&B for the sake of convenience. The Full English breakfast every morning is perhaps overdoing things, and I'm sure my arteries now resemble a cave where half-blocked walls reluctantly allow fluids past, and furry deposits amaze pot-holers with their sheer scale. Only made of lard and cholesterol. Not that I'm going to not have one for my last day tomorrow mind. I've paid for this, health risk or no, and I'm damned well going to choff my way through another plateful of egg, snorkers, bacon, fried bread, toast and the strangely out of place but tolerated tomato representing the vegetable minority in a meat and grease world.

It's a proper working dairy farm as well here, look:

As you can see, it's Friesian outside. A than' yew.

Now, in order to entertain my youngster, and to further facilitate his education in the natural world, we took him to a rather marvellous wildlife sanctuary stroke gardens stroke bird park stroke fish shop. He was initially fascinated by the peacocks, and one conveniently displayed for us, which probably gave my boy the impression that animals are put on this planet to pander to him in every way. This is not a mindset I want him to get into, as that way arrogance lies. Happily, the peacock concurred, choosing a moment of blissful peace and quiet to scream incoherently in my little boys face. Result - one wailing, shaking toddler who is now inconsolable if he so much as glimpses a feather.

Possibly a bit far that. We moved on and showed him some more peaceable birdies, like this ornamental pheasant, which soothed him a bit:

Purdy, huh?

One thing they did have, which was pretty cool, was a family of tiny otters from the far east, which are only a couple of feet long. We were there in time for feeding, and it was great fun to behold. Very popular with the kiddies, and you can see why:

Another popular attraction was this:

Jurassic Pork. A few of our rarely seen native hogs, which are a lot bigger and cooler looking than I was expecting. Also hairy. Very, very hairy. Look at this thang:

There were some other unattended kids blocking our view, and I wanted to see the boars a bit more clearly without these jostling juveniles obstructing our view. They were a bit loathe to move using subtle techniques of "Can the little boy have a look?", and just stood there sullenly. At least they did until I informed them that those muddy, creamy spheres the boars were gnawing with their oversize tusks were actually the skulls of lost children, who's parents had decided it was easier to leave than traipse back all the way from the car park to look for them. There was sudden disquiet and, moment's later, an obvious urge to go and catch up with their folks.

Mind you, it's believable when you watch them:

See? Baby heads. Okay, it helps if you're six. And have been told it's a baby head by an irresponsible adult.

Still, their future costly therapy is a small price to pay, as my boy got some nice close up views and was rather taken with them, especially the baby pigs (called Hamlets, I believe) which found a comfy perch:

Very little difference to my own role really, offering a comfortable place to sit for ungrateful offspring.


  1. jules i love your blog!

    this yank is dying to know- what's a snorker ( i am thinking sausages) and i would love to have a recipe for fried bread.

    sounds like you have a good time on your holiday! love the pun about the hamlets!


  2. Hi Jules,

    As always, I love the pics and the narrative you give of each. Glad to hear you're welcoming the change of season with a family outing.

    Jurassic Pork, love that name! I also love how you manage to continually weave swine into your "Boaring Day Out" topic.


  3. sounds like you had a good time funny with the "kids in the way" if you approach them seriously(kids in general) they will believe anything you tell them, hahahaha

  4. So didn't you wrestle the boar? Your boy would have so idolised you if you'd ridden that hog.

  5. Jules, a nice wee nature break for the bairns, and a few nights of passion with the missus.

    Add in a bevvy or three, voila!

    Is there anything better in life?

  6. Miss A - Thank ee koindly, as they say round these parts. A snorker is indeed a sausage. The recipe for fried bread is:
    a) Take bread.
    b) Fry it.
    It was divised by a bloke called Hester Blumenthal.

    The U - Glad you like them. nothing better than a spot of swine-weaving.

    Neo - My lad has just turned 2 and is already considerably brighter, more observant and more sensible than I am.

    Mr Bananas - round here, if you ride 'em, you have to marry 'em.

    Jimmy - what can I add to that? Nowt at all!

  7. my kid now 18 sorta did that to me when she was about 4 ish

  8. Suddenly my bran flakes seem really dull and lifeless. Not sure about the proximity to real cows though. Can't stand the beasts.

    Wonder how long they had to think about the Jurassic Pork before it became an obvious idea?

  9. Jurrasic Pork made me laugh instantly. A full English breakfast. I remember those during my trips to London. The French could learn a thing or two about breakfast from the English. Although the butter in the croissants probably equal the fat in the English meat.

    It's all good eating.

  10. Neo - I thought you could stop worrying about them as soon as they turned 18. Is that not the case?

    Mdme DeF - It was probably a huge multi-disciplinary marketing team, similar to the ones who decided the shell logo was a good one for a company called Shell.

    Logistician - Butter is the secret ingredient of all nice French food. That and wine.

  11. "As you can see, it's Friesian outside"

    (*shakes a fist*)

    Let's keep the cleverness to a dull roar. Don't forget, some of us are Americans.

  12. Jules, well written, love the idea of such a holiday. Especially the full brekky, that I didn't have to cook for my self. I always add black pudding to that as well. For me the tomato is not amiss at all, fried tomatoes does fit in nicely with the fat and grease theme.


  13. Kurt - I've been getting an earful for bad puns recently. Don't think it's going to stop me though. Don't they have Freisians in the US? Probably bigger and do less to the gallon than European ones.

    AV - Thank you! And you're right. Some proper spicy black pudding would've finished it off nicely.

  14. Is anybody aware of the concept of (ahem) piggy-backing the titles of successful films (movies) by creating pornography with very similar titles? Leading examples include "Shaving Ryan's Privates", "Good Will Humping" and Batman IN Robin"?
    I fear Jurassic Pork got there first. I'm not making this up:


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