Friday, June 5, 2009

Read it and weep

Right. What am I up to next week?

Time to consult the old customised personal assistant organisation filing and notation system that I carry with me.

A 79p diary from the corner shop.

I've yet to find a high-technomological device that can compete with a small sheaf of papers with dates on and a ribbon in it for stopping me turning up to work three days early or getting a divorce due to anniversary-misplacement syndrome. It's tiny, lightweight, cheap, doesn't need recharging and has a simple human input and visual display system called writing things down and then reading them.

So, let's have a looksee:

Well, that all makes sense.

A day shift and a couple of nights, maybe a curry with Sue and Ami, and a gig on Saturday in Malvern, where I will wow the crowds with some ukulelage. It should be a realtively easy session because it's a live music and beer festival, with the emphasis on beer, so I'm not expecting anyone to be analysing my syncopation or missed notes. They'll just be pleased there's some noise going on in the background that isn't someone hurling.

Wait, what am I doing on Monday?

Er . . .

Ram nerts?

What are nerts? Why am I destined to ram them?

I have absolutely no idea what that is. Is it a place? A person? Have I arranged to do something that I won't be able to fulfill? Am I going to get a phone call on Monday saying "Where the hell are you? You're supposed to be over here with your ramming spoon! Those bloody nerts have got into the air conditioning now. Thanks for nothing, Nert ram reneger."

Then I'll get a reputation for not ramming nerts and be ostracised by the nert ramming community in the county, maybe the whole South West.

My brother suggested it might be code, and I've written it down backwards. Apart from the fact that it must be an incredibly important secret if I've also gone to the trouble of erasing my own memory about it, I fail to see how "stren mar" is any more sensible that "Ram nerts".

As long as it isn't something medical or employment related, perhaps I shouldn't fret too much, although I can't help worrying about it. It's like a loose tooth. Only in a diary. And made of ink rather than enamel.

See, it's got me making rubbish similies now.

If anyone has an idea as to what it is, let me know.


  1. Are you sure it's not annagrammy for 'Rent Mars'? You know, because you are going on vacation and all. No, probably not, that's just stupid.

  2. Then again, it could also be "Dam nuts." Except last I checked my sheep, dams don't have nuts. I think the Ram nerts are more likely to have nuts.

    Or maybe it meant "Dam(n) nuts", which could be a value judgment about the people with whom you work.

    Good luck with that!

    Cat Lady

  3. Your not ramming nerts again are you? I thought after the last time you would have learned your lesson, anyway...the judge said you werent to do that anymore.
    (Dont you hate it when people make fun of your brain fades?)LOL

  4. Just FYI ... we now have a code red situation with the nerts!!!!

    You shoulda rammed them!

  5. You can't ram nerts here anymore.

    Damn bureaucracy.


  6. Eric - Stupid? Nooooo no no. Perfectly sensible that. *sidles away, eyes darting frantically round for an exit*

    Cat Lady - Thanks for that. I'll check wikimisleadia for Ram nert nut facts.

    Passion - I don't have a restraining order yet, just a caution. So now I do it with caution.

    Girl I - There's no law against a spot of DIY ramming you know?

    Pearl - It's political correctness gone mad. Maaaaaad I tells ya!

  7. To me, it looks like the time for a dental appointment. But maybe that's just whats in my diary for this Monday morning.

    Btw, went to see the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain recently and thought of you, in a totally non stalking kind of way.

  8. Mdme De F - Not due for my yearly tusk-grind until January, so that's not it. The Uke Orchestra of GB are great live aren't they?

  9. Ram Nerts is an Indian. A very nerty one.

  10. I got a little ocd with this, I'll have you know. First I wondered if your pen had run out midway through the word, but I enlarged the photo and decided there was no visible imprint on the paper to indicate such.

    I think Dam is actually a time, most likely 10 or 11 am, and your appointment is most likely with a nerd. Do you know any nerds with whom you might have made a brunch date?

  11. GB - He's not an Indian, he's a very nerty boy.

    Steamy - I appreciate the (mildy scary)effort. I do know a few nerds, so that could be correct. I'm not that bothered about upsetting them because, let's face it, what're they gonna do? Calculus at me?

  12. I believe it says "Dam Nerfs". Could it be that today you have to create a blockage in a river using foam-based children's toys?

  13. There's nothing I hate more than a ram nert reneger.

    Nert ramming is not to be taken lightly, my friend.

    Er... I agree with Steamy about the time, but the second word is probably "nest" with a wonky 'r'. Have you been monitoring any baby birds?

  14. Imaginary Reviewer - That seems plausible. I don't think I have a nerf gun though. I wonder if the council rents them out for big civic jobs like that?

    Vic - Nobody got in touch to tell me I was a nert ram reneger. And maybe it was an instruction TO nest. Which I didn't to either.


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