Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Dishonest Jules - At Least I'm Honest

I've been nominated for an award by the often out-of-context Miss Alaineus, over at her almenac. I like her blog because it's generally pleasant observations of her life, but occasionally she vents her spleen like a non-flossing girl volcano, and that's always fun to watch.

It's an honest bloggers award, although I'm not sure what proof she's got that I'm purer than the driven snow what hasn't been trod in yet. Just cos I don't blog about my kleptomania doesn't mean I don't do it. Actually, I don't practice kleptomania because some dishonest git nicked my big beige trench coat with the deep pockets. This has also seriously hampered my hobbies of poaching, spying and indecent exposure.

I miss my trench coat.

Still, it's nice to be recognised, and this subject seems quite apt after my recent posting about the limits of self-exposure. She hasn't told me where I have to go to pick up my award, or which hotel I'll be staying in, but I'm sure that info is on its way as I type.

In order to meet the criteria for this award (which is a bit like those circulars you get telling you how you might have won a grand prize, so send £10 to this address to register for the grand prize you might have won!), I have to share ten honest things about myself with you lot.

So, I have to have a think.

Ten honest things about me? Ten things? Just the Ten. 10. X. 1010. 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1.


1) I can't stand touching velvet. This is not a euphemism. I just don't like the feel of the stuff. I even have to grit my teeth when picking up moles.

2) I have been known to pick up moles. With my hands, not on street corners.

3) I can juggle with 4 balls, although not for very long.

4) I hate throwing books out, as they are special, lovely things. The missus and I argue about this as she packs boxes up ready for charitable donation. I argue that they are repositories of information, always at our fingertips like tiny, tiny internets, and any one of them could come in useful at some point. As a devastating counter-arguement, she points out William Shatner's Tekwar next to Darwin's On the Origins of Species. I then help pack the box.

5) I work well both independently and as part of a well-motivated team.

6) I've killed the three baby cabbage plants my friend Jon gave me a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't told him yet.

7) I'm a paramedic.

8) I'm quite good at sharpening knives.

9) I just answered the door to the postman who was delivering a package, and instead of saying "Cheers bud" as I intended, I said "Chasbroth!" in a strangely high pitched voice. This concerned both of us, I think.

10) I was that daft kid who spent most of the day on his own (sometimes out of choice) with a net and jam jar, wondering why he's only got a single big fat dragonfly larva now, when he'd actually collected quite a few other critters out of the stream. This was my introduction to the swirling violence of imminent death and messy consumption that is the mystical circle of life that lions sometimes sing about.

So there you go. A post sans images, and also possibly sans intérêt, for those who aren't really that bothered by what makes me tick.

Now, although I'm strictly supposed to pass on this award to 7 other suckers bloggers, I hope Miss Alaineus doesn't mind if I renege on this part of the deal. I've meme-ified a few people recently and always feel like I burden them enough just from my posts, let alone making them work extra.

However, I can heartily recommend taking Miss A's advice and writing down 10 honest things about yourself.

It's cathartic.

You can make them up if you like.


  1. Ah...Jules. You are incapable of writing anything without interest or on the "sand internet". I don't know. My French is rusty. Sharpening knives and a paramedic...

    POW! I just wrote an episode of CSI!

  2. As I read this post, I said "Chasbroth!" out loud in a cracky voice and laughed out loud. I seem to do this every time I read your blog. One time it was Flammity Flam. That gave me crazy person giggles for about a week.

  3. Yes, I love the Chasbroth incident. Often I find myself trying to say a simple hello to a passerby and it often comes out squeaky, alarming, and completely foreign. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

  4. I can juggle 4 balls at once, too. Well, I can get them all up in the air at the same time, I just fail to catch more than one.


  5. Loved your ten honest thing list. You not liking the feel of velvet is a bit disturbing to me though....I guess I won't be buying you that velvet Elvis painting for your birthday.

  6. Kurt - Very kind, I think. Good luck with the screenplay.

    Steamy - I don't think it's that hard to give you crazy person giggles.

    Kristine - There's a whole sub-culture of us, I reckon.

    Douglas - Technically, I'm not sure that's juggling so much as hurling? And chasbroth to you too.

    Thinkinofyou - I think one of my brothers has a similar distaste for velvet. I'll have to check. Pity about the Elvis painting though.

  7. For balls isn't bad. Keeping working at it and you may be headhunted by a circus.

  8. I am touched by your honesty. Really and truly touched. Even if you are a mass cabbage murderer, you're still my chum.

  9. Jules -- a VERY entertaining blog. You are definitely award-worthy. I'm going to try to use "Chasbroth" in a sentence at least 4 times tomorrow. I can't imagine a situation to which it would not apply.

  10. GB - I can unicycle as well (forgot to stick that on my honest list). Wonder if that might look good on my carny résumé?

    Mdme DeF - I'm glad you feel you can still be my chum. In my defence, it was brassica manslaughter rather than cabagey homicide though.

    Ava - Welcome! You also have a rather interesting and entertaining blog, for one so new! You'll get on well with Mr Bananas as he is famous for having a well-maintainde harem, in every sense of the word.

  11. 'I work well both independently and as part of a well-motivated team.'

    LOL :-)

    Chasbroth to you all.

  12. Al - I do. It's right there on my CV.

  13. :O You can't chuck out Tekwars!!!! Of course it's useful!! There might be spiders to be squished or one of those wonky tables that need something wedging under a leg!!

    And is Jon a follower of this blog? I do hope so! :P

  14. I can do velvet, but velour is hideous to touch. Do you have that there?

    I cry a little every time I read one of your posts. In a good way. Tears of joy.


  15. Thanks for dropping by my place jules, I look forward to following you.

    Oh, I am also excited about your blog... ;^)

  16. Girl I - Not sure whether Jon reads it, but I expect I'll find out when he either cold shoulders me or smiles happily, safe in the knowledge that I am faithfully looking afer his kind gifts.

    Vic - lol. I'm so glad. We get velour here, only we call it aubergine. Oh, wait, that's eggplant . . .

    Skyler's Dad - Nice to read yours too! Welcome.

  17. I laughed at number 10. Fabulous!

  18. Leah - S'true as well. Welcome, btw.

  19. I love coming over here. You are such a weirdo.

  20. you are a gem, sugar! :D xoxox

  21. Jules - I can't get the singing lions out of my head

  22. Pearl - Am so not. Would a weirdo do this! (Er, I'm fingershooting at you).

    Savannah - Pot, kettle, black, springs to mind!

    Magnolia Crone - Magnolia Crone! LOL. Are you overcome with emulsion?


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