Dishonest Jules - At Least I'm Honest

I've been nominated for an award by the often out-of-context Miss Alaineus, over at her almenac. I like her blog because it's generally pleasant observations of her life, but occasionally she vents her spleen like a non-flossing girl volcano, and that's always fun to watch.

It's an honest bloggers award, although I'm not sure what proof she's got that I'm purer than the driven snow what hasn't been trod in yet. Just cos I don't blog about my kleptomania doesn't mean I don't do it. Actually, I don't practice kleptomania because some dishonest git nicked my big beige trench coat with the deep pockets. This has also seriously hampered my hobbies of poaching, spying and indecent exposure.

I miss my trench coat.

Still, it's nice to be recognised, and this subject seems quite apt after my recent posting about the limits of self-exposure. She hasn't told me where I have to go to pick up my award, or which hotel I'll be staying in, but I'm sure that info is on its way as I type.

In order to meet the criteria for this award (which is a bit like those circulars you get telling you how you might have won a grand prize, so send £10 to this address to register for the grand prize you might have won!), I have to share ten honest things about myself with you lot.

So, I have to have a think.

Ten honest things about me? Ten things? Just the Ten. 10. X. 1010. 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1.

Okay:

1) I can't stand touching velvet. This is not a euphemism. I just don't like the feel of the stuff. I even have to grit my teeth when picking up moles.

2) I have been known to pick up moles. With my hands, not on street corners.

3) I can juggle with 4 balls, although not for very long.

4) I hate throwing books out, as they are special, lovely things. The missus and I argue about this as she packs boxes up ready for charitable donation. I argue that they are repositories of information, always at our fingertips like tiny, tiny internets, and any one of them could come in useful at some point. As a devastating counter-arguement, she points out William Shatner's Tekwar next to Darwin's On the Origins of Species. I then help pack the box.

5) I work well both independently and as part of a well-motivated team.

6) I've killed the three baby cabbage plants my friend Jon gave me a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't told him yet.

7) I'm a paramedic.

8) I'm quite good at sharpening knives.

9) I just answered the door to the postman who was delivering a package, and instead of saying "Cheers bud" as I intended, I said "Chasbroth!" in a strangely high pitched voice. This concerned both of us, I think.

10) I was that daft kid who spent most of the day on his own (sometimes out of choice) with a net and jam jar, wondering why he's only got a single big fat dragonfly larva now, when he'd actually collected quite a few other critters out of the stream. This was my introduction to the swirling violence of imminent death and messy consumption that is the mystical circle of life that lions sometimes sing about.

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So there you go. A post sans images, and also possibly sans intérêt, for those who aren't really that bothered by what makes me tick.

Now, although I'm strictly supposed to pass on this award to 7 other suckers bloggers, I hope Miss Alaineus doesn't mind if I renege on this part of the deal. I've meme-ified a few people recently and always feel like I burden them enough just from my posts, let alone making them work extra.

However, I can heartily recommend taking Miss A's advice and writing down 10 honest things about yourself.

It's cathartic.

You can make them up if you like.