Thursday, September 2, 2010

Flaw and order

September arrives in a flurry of unremarkableness, and I note that I appear to have become one of those bloggers who posts about every week and a half, sometimes even less.

Harrumph.

At present, I feel I have achieved something if, at the end of the day, the children haven't been grievously injured, starved or rounded up by the social services child catcher protection unit.

Blogging has slid down my list of priorities, along with sleeping, socialising and going to the toilet.

I might write to my bosses to suggest they give me paid time off and a laptop so I can get a reasonable shot at spewing my random cerebral diarrhoea onto the internets. They're very understanding and only have our best personal interests at heart, so I can reasonably expect to be pleasantly accommodated.

In fact, it might behove me to write to my MP and ask for my own personal bylaw that says I have to blog, and anyone who stops me is in breach of my civil liberties. Yeah, there's a vote winner.

Thinking about it, having personalised laws might be a tad unwieldy. Every case would be setting a precedent, so there's a possibility of it not working.

How about a spectrum of law though, with each individual allowed to sit on a different part of that spectrum depending on how reliable and sensible they are?

I'm onto something here. Stay with me.

For instance, a particularly competent driver would be allowed to travel at 120 mph on the motorway and not be fined for it, whereas someone driving a Clio with racing cans, widened wheel arches and a fake gear dump valve sound would not be allowed to drive at over 30 mph, and they would have to keep the car in third gear at all times, even when starting off. Rover drivers would be told they must at least try and get up to the speed limit, even if they only get within ten or twelve mph of it. But at least they will have tried.

Someone who does lots of charitable work and donates their free time to the community should totally be allowed to shoplift, but the inveterate, unrepentant pilferer should have those collars they use to stop dogs biting out their stitches after an operation put on their hands whenever they go to Tesco.

Relatively sensible, happy, non-depressive alternative-reality enthusiasts should not be punished for taking drugs (which could be legally produced in government controlled (and taxed) hydroponics centres). Angry drunks should be limited to a glass of room temperature Liebfraumilch every alternate Thursday lunchtime.

Actually, that's probably a bit too draconian. Nobody should be forced to drink that stuff, and anybody who does so voluntarily should be offered free counselling to find out why they like to hurt themselves so.

Anyway, as the voices of reason and unfettered conscience of humanity, bloggers would obviously be placed at the top end of the law spectrum, and be allowed to get away with just about anything as long as they were going to write about it later on, strictly monitored by the Department of Blogging (DoB).

Common sense, really.

This plan could alleviate the overcrowding in prisons that newspapers are constantly haranguing us about whilst simultaneously gnashing their spleens over too short jail sentences. With my plan, someone accused, and indeed guilty, of an offense could be retrospectively promoted to a higher level on the law-scale, and thus instantly become not guilty of breaking the law. Everyone's a winner.

Except, maybe, any victims, but they don't really contribute to society other than to remind us what a bad place the world is, so we'd have to sweep them under the social shag pile. No change there then.

Of course, there is going to need to be sensible discourse on what laws are going to be kept, which ones repealed and how each person is judged as to their merit and where they should be placed on the law-spectrum. The arbiter would have to be a sort of super-judge, and particularly special. Somebody modest, humble and wise beyond their years, someone who can talk with crowds but keep their virtue. One who is able to walk with kings yet not lose the common touch.

A difficult position which should be amply rewarded in terms of fame and remuneration.

Can I reluctantly suggest myself?

This is obvioulsy a rhetorical question.

Of course, I realise that society changes slowly, unless it's gadget related, and thus the laws of the land are unlikely to be completely replaced by a novel approach for a couple of years yet, so I will just have to be patient.

In the meantime, as the old adage adages at us, rules are put there for the guidance of the wise, and the blind obedience of the foolish.

So, mostly blind obedience then.

35 comments:

  1. I like your concept of omipotent justice on a graduated/relative scale. Sometimes, in America, I think it works that way with the size of one's bank accounts.

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  2. Eric - Makes sense. Someone with lots of money must be a particularly good and wholesome person to deserve such privilege, so it's no wonder they get preferential treatment in the courts.

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  3. I say repeal all laws, let chaos and anarchy reign for about a decade and then start writing new, more pointed, laws that address the realities of modern day life.

    Or start building spaceships to take us somewhere else. Anywhere else.

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  4. I vote for you right now as judge, jury, and if needed executioner. I suggest all beautiful women who break laws be ticked to death, sound OK?

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  5. Perfect, absolutely bloody perfect. Bring on Judge Dredd.

    AV

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  6. Dude, I'm buyin' what you're sellin'.

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  7. Douglas - That's an excellent idea. It would focus peoples attention, at the least. The only trouble with spaceships though, is that wherever we go, we take us with us.

    SkylersDad - Or just to within an inch of their lives maybe?

    AV - Ta. There won't be any need for police after my new world order gets instigated.

    Didactic Pirate - Cool! I need that sort of faith to push this forward.

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  8. I agree..especially since I've been so very good lately. I'll be allowed to drive very fast while imbibing in the latest drugs and washing it all down with neat Scotch. What harm could that do?

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  9. Tempo - As long as you drive very fast while imbibing in the latest drugs and washing it all down with neat Scotch in moderation, nothing's wrong with it.

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  10. I can put in a good word for you with the main woman if you like. And I'd happily work at the DoB. Actually, I think I do, given the number of us who appear to blog. And work. I should point out that we still do that.

    And love the Bonobo pic too. Reminds me of my own hairdo at that age.

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  11. Perfect reading for a Saturday night.


    But what are your thoughts on drivers who have the "Princess on board" car sticker though? I see those and think "Great. Now I know they have a child on board I am going to have to stop driving wrecklessly- damn"!!

    too controversial perhaps. . .

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  12. Mdme DeF - If you wouldn't mind, it might get the ball rolling.

    Cass - Very true. I don't know how many times I've been about to ram a car when one of those stickers stops me in the nick of time.

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  13. Whats up ! Love your blog thanks for sharing it with everyone

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  18. Whats up ! Love your blog thanks for sharing it with everyone

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  27. Very interesting, thank you for sharing!

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