It's my birthday.
As a newly qualified 38 year old, (which is 13,528 in Mayfly years), I've now been on the planet for nearly 4 decades, so it behoves me to consider what I've achieved in that time.
Well, I've finally used the word "behove" in a sentence, so I can be proud of that.
Okay, let me just check my lifetime achievement list; Behove used? - check. Eddie the Eagle urination and gay sex denial story? - check.
Right. I think I'm done.So, it's pretty clear that I'm a high achieving, goal orientated type. I like to work hard and play harder. I'm a hedonistic go-getter who don't play by the rules and don't give a good gosh darn for the sensibilities of no-one, no way, no how, no siree. I gots me a job to do and I'm's a gonna do it, and if you don't likes my methods you can just go aheads an fires me, cos I ain't taking no hassles off of no pencil-neck pen-pusher downs at city hall.
Actually, please don't fire me. I have a child and a mortgage and a motorbike that needs servicing. I'll be good. I won't pluralise inappropriately again, honest. And that pencil-neck really goes with that tie. Brings out the beige in your eyes.I don't actually mind working, although if I can avoid making it hard I will do because I'm a human male. I don't like it when I end up sweating because of some hefty bit of legwork. I don't mind bleeding on the job, because that takes little effort, but sweating usually indicates exertion of some sort, which shouldn't happen at work outside the circus, porn and Guantanamo Bay.
So, on this, the anniversary of my body's birth, a spot of quiet reflection via snatched minutes tapping away at this blog has taught me that I'm an achiever who doesn't mind work too much, lives in a house, has a kid, urinates regularly and shares a birthday with Brian May out of Queen.
To celebrate, I am going to go to a great chinese restaurant tonight in our local itty bitty city. At least that's the plan, but the local papers are full of the news that Customs Officials "swooped" last night and detained six illegal immigrants who were working there.
Two things trouble me about this. The first is the idea of any government agency "swooping", because that implies a sort of raptorial grace and possibly the ability to fly. This would indicate a level of competence and efficacy I don't think any authoritarian organisation has outside of the Brownies, and if they were that efficient it would mean they were being funded too much. I want low taxes and a government that makes it's sub-divisions get by on their bare minimums. They do it for the army.
The second is that I hope one of those detained wasn't the guy responsible for the hot and sour sauce or the cheesy squid, because those are delicious enough to warrant a fake passport any day of the week.
Wish me luck. I'm hungry.
Ooh - picture!
I seem to have set a precedent by posting various virtual photographic plates taken with the utter expertise of the random blogger, and although I shouldn't feel beholden to put one in just for the sake of it, a post sort of kind of seems a bit naked without one.
A picture expresses. A picture confirms. A picture represents.
Er . . . how about a slightly blurred picture of my hand, which I took to check contrast settings on my camera, and is not at all in any way intended to resemble any sort of body part other than the hand it actually is, because doing that would represent a dodgy state of mind, and if you see anything else in it then that's entirely your
Make of it what you will.