Wednesday, February 16, 2011


A huge lorry with a load of logs on it drives past me and my mate Dave.

"Wood you look at that." remarks Dave, lazily.

"Must be tree or four tonnes there." I reply, with equal lack of effort.

"It stems from greed, really." He says, smiling.

"I wonder if it's hard to bark up?" I say, not really trying.

"He came out of that trunk road." Dave looks sideways at me. My eyes narrow. A gauntlet has been thrown down, like some sort of glove.

"Did you want to log a complaint?" I nod, pleased with myself.

"Nah. It goes against the grain. And it wouldn't get to the root of the problem." Dave is like a verbal rapier. 

My eyes dart back and forth, lips moving very slightly as I try and formulate a reply, my brain whizzing like a whirligig beetle on the fragile meniscus of a pond full of pun-fish. Leaves? Too obvious. Photosynthesis? Too hard. Phloem? Too nerdy. Xylem? Just as nerdy. I open my mouth and hope something good comes out.

"I can tell you were making a pun by the timber of your voice." Aha! Result! That's unbeatable that one! Whatcha got, Dave? Whatcha got?

"I was." he replies. "But seriously, imagine having that thing lumbering towards you."  he shakes his head.

Dave wins.


  1. Ha ha, it must be fun to have friends like that. Hilarious.

  2. impressive dia-log!


    (i can't believe i just posted that lame attempt after such an impressive example of witty banter!)


  3. Dave wins! Dave wins!!


    Anyone ax me, and I'll tell 'em: That Jules, he'll leave you laughin'.


  4. Girlglasses - Fun. And irritating. Really, quite irritating.

    Savvy - Ha! You can't resist a thrown gauntlet, eh?

    Pearly Queen - Dave always wins. Except in a losing contest. Then it's my time to shine!

    And thank you!

  5. Tree puns - an evergreen source of comedy.

  6. Your humor is too punny, please don't ever leaf us.

  7. MLS - I hereby conifer on you the status of pun-king.

    SkylersDad - No forest for the wicked.

  8. That was tree-mendous
    Cheers, Sausage..

  9. Sometimes you should leave well enough alone. Unless you intend to branch out.

  10. Sausage Fingers - No-one can resist the lure of the pun!

    Douglas - No-one, I tells ya!

  11. What a sap... I do hope you did knot forget to take a bow?

  12. Jimmy - Planks a lot. Didn't want you getting board, but I twigged you wouldn't be sycamore punning opportunities.

    Also, welcome back mate.

  13. I think the two of you should record your conversations and make a monthly podcast out of it.

  14. Good of you to get to the true root of friendship.

  15. fighterpilotfather - I think it would be too sweary!

    Mdme DeF - That's what fronds are for.

  16. Sounds shady to me, I would have thought you'd have taken the crown.


  17. Puns are the perfect form of humour.

    By the way, were the copse following this lumbering truck?

  18. Eric - lol; No, but if he's unlucky, a coppice likely to get him.

  19. Jules: I wouldn't mind. But maybe you wouldn't want your voice out there. What are your thoughts on anonymity?

  20. fighterpilotfather - who's askin'?

  21. Good question. I am a writer from a country where the official language isn't English. I am trying to blog in English and to do it anonymously. I want to use it as a tool to write honestly.

    I haven't searched your blog extensively for your identity, but you seem to not be interested in people knowing who you are. Maybe I am a bit off, but I would guess you would for example not be interested in publishing an edited and plotified version of your blog as a book.

    I would not be able to write what I write on my blog if I were not anonymous. Or: I want to write as if I was anonymous. I believe it will in the end, when my English has become better, have become more interesting and useful for others than it would be in my mother tongue.

  22. I feel that one of the best parts of life is the sudden onslaught of humor that happens totally unexpectedly when we are with our closest friends, the ones we have our humor in-sync with the best. Now that my younger son is far away for a couple of years it's nice that my wife is finally getting funny. We have worked with her over the years, building up her sense of humor, and got her to watching things that matter, like The Big Bang Theory and similar fair.


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