Sunday, March 21, 2010

Babbling on

I live in a world dominated by poo.

If you're new to The Gravel Farm, don't worry. You haven't accidentally stumbled upon a blog dedicated to the arguable delights of coprophilia*.

I have a baby:

A hairy one.

We shall call her "Bonobo".

Now, I don't particularly want to write a blog about babies, because there are lots of specialist blogs dedicated to the hormonally challenged which are far better at depicting cutesie sprog pics and gushing prose about Juniors every move, but at the moment it's all I know.

So forgive the momentary lapse into goo territory.

There are only a few things babies are good at:

Crying. Doing an impression of a tortoise on it's back. Slow blinking. Weeing like tiny racehorses. Grabbing their own eyes. Hiccuping.

And poo.

They are very good at poo.

You get obsessed with the stuff.

Is it there? Is there enough of it? Is there too much? It's black! Is it supposed to be black? Is it black enough? Is it too black? It's green! Is it supposed to be green? Is it green enough? Is it too green? It's yellow! Is it supposed to be yellow? Is it yellow enough? Is it too yellow?

You get the drift.

This is the second time I've been through this and, although I'm definitely a bit more relaxed about it now, I still worry.

My nappy changing skillz are phat, mind.

You start off gritting your teeth and panicking about the tiniest crumb of potential contamination, and you end up changing a full nappy with one hand and not putting your doughnut down with the other.

Like I said, skillz.

Of course, the other thing babies are good at is making your chest swell and your emotions run high, so you're happy to stare at them like a soppy hawk for no reason at all and run to attend to their every need.

Conniving little critters.

*If you were looking for such a site can I direct you to this purveyor of specialist hot tubs. No need to thank me. Each to their own. I'm not one to judge. Mind if we don't shake?


  1. There's nothing 'momentary' about the 'goo territory'. Ive had three daughters..all grown up now and with a combined total (so far) of 9 goo producers.
    My life still revolves around the stuff...Phew!! is that me?

  2. congrats on the tiny tot! hope all is well for the missus.


  3. My nappy changing skillz are phat, mind.

    good thing, sugar! *chuckling* they wear them for a long time, if memory serves me well! xoxoxox

    (do y'all have those darling little headbands yet for her hair?)

  4. Tempo - And by the time the next generation can take care of their own poo, we'll need someone to take care of ours!

    Miss A - Thanks alaina. They're both really good thanks.

    Savvy - More useful than mosst skillz at this time of my life. We've yet to buy hari accessories. As you can see, she's still in her big brothers hand me down blue vest!

  5. OMG! She has A LOT of hair! Congrats again! Glad to see all systems are a go!!

  6. Babies and pooping. Sums up my life in a small incomplete sentence.

  7. Oh, thank you, Jules. You always make me laugh. :-)


    p.s. Bonobo. :-)

  8. Holy hell that's a fine head of hair on that young'un!

    I have three pets so I feel like there is enough poop management in my life already. We shall see...

  9. thinkinfyou - As I said, Bonobo!

    erin - Are you boasting about how regular you are? I do that.

    Pearl - :-) You're welcome!

    Soda and Candy - Bonoobo! Its amazingly soft as well, like a well-conditioned chincilla.

  10. Having a young man who will require changing all his life means I have probably gone over 1 million, and I expect the folks from the diaper place to show up any day now with my large cardboard check and award me with such.

  11. SkylersDad - It's the least you deserve if you ask me.

  12. My nappy changing skillz are phat, mind....that is just gold - love it!

  13. The skills set as you will have experienced expands massively, then you need to become ace at juggling too....

  14. Grumpy - Glad you approve!

    Nota Bene - I've noticed that juggling nappies leaves one with a minimal audience, very quickly.

  15. That is a lot of hair. I had my first hair cut at six weeks old, as it was getting in my eyes. Looks like you may have the same problem. Wait till she's changing your nappies. Then you'll be glad.

  16. She has more hair than my little man did when he was born, that's for sure.

  17. Aren't bonobos the horny, sexually liberated, chronic masturbators of the animal kingdom?

    May I humbly suggest "Capuchin"?

  18. Mdme DeF - But that's months away!

    Girlglasses - Furry baby alert!

    Steamy - I thought that was humans.

  19. I don's have a baby but I do image there is a lot of poo involved.


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