Everyone has a miscellaneous drawer (except possibly people with OCD) where you put things which haven't got a place to go just this minute, or you reckon you're going to use them soon so it's pointless putting them back upstairs or in the garage and thus waste valuable time firking around for it, time you'll never get back, time that you could use for putting your feet up and watching Shrek 3. It's usually in the kitchen, and will definitely have sellotape in it, as well as a phillip's screwdriver, rubber bands, brown string and the detonator to a W80-1 missile warhead.
Now my miscellaneous drawer (called the'menu drawer ' because it contains . . . well, you can probably guess) is actually full. I know they're all full, to the brim, with receipts for the toaster you got 3 years ago and the post-it note with Jeff's number on it in fading brown ink (must give him a ring, if he's still alive), but I mean really full. Any more in it and it will quite feasibly turn into neutronium.
The only solution was to set up another miscellaneous drawer. Oh yes, some folk might say something heretic like 'why don't you empty the drawer and put things in their proper place', but we all know they are feeble-minded and evil. Yep, the only solution was another one.
So here it is:
Look at all that lovely crap. It's contains;
- my Gerber multi-tool (the most useful thing to have been invented since Homo habilis thought of hitting something with a stick);
- a skipping rope (I haven't skipped since I was at university and much fitter);
- a first-aid kit I put on my motorbike (mostly for abrasions and gravel rash, cos I know what's most likely to happen if I take a tumble on it);
- a payslip from 1995, which would make small beaten children in sub-continental Nike warehouses shed a tear over their Air Zoom trainers in sympathy;
- Simpson's Top Trumps, becuse I like the Simpsons, and I liked Top Trumps when I was a kid, and now they're together at last, like nuts 'n gum.
- diaries (from the last 5 years, in case I want to see what shift I was working in April, 2004);
- weight-training gloves (from my brief iron-pumping phase) which I also use for unicycling. Or more accurately, for when I fall off my unicycle;
- A toddler's arm.
Actually, the toddler's arm isn't a permanent fixture. It's attached to a toddler who's only dream in life is to empty said drawer and hide things in as inaccessible places as is tiny-humanly possible. This time he only got away with a bike-light with no batteries, which entertained him for forty minutes.
The new drawer is rapidly filling as well, and I now know the pressure the government is under when it comes to disposing of nuclear waste. Short of encasing the contents in concrete-fillled barrels and dumping them in the atlantic, my conundrum is; what do I do when this drawer is full? Move onto another? get a miscellaneous wardrobe? Burn the house down?
I do actually have a garage as well, so perhaps a judicious move of all contents there might be in order. Unfortunately, the garage is also full to the brim. Of crap.