Friday, January 9, 2009

The key to failure

Apparently, laptops and neat rum don't mix. Spilling said beverage on your keyboard is, it turns out, a bad thing.

This is made even worse if it was your fourth glass of the stuff, because then you're liable to make some daft decision about repairing it yourself.
"Keys?" you might, hypothetically, say to yourself, "They're just little buttons. How difficult can it be to whip 'em off, mop up the spillage and pop 'em back on again? Should take a couple of minutes, ten tops."

And it is very easy to take them off. A quick double click with a little screwdriver taken out of the miscellaneous drawer and, bish bash bosh, job done. A good start. Reward yourself with a quick swig of rum. There's a bit left in the bottom of the glass that's on it's side there.

Quick wipe down with a cloth, under the keys, under the rubbery mat, under the flat green electronicky thing that lies beneath like magic underlay. Should do the trick. Easier than putting up a shelf this. Even remembered to keep the keys in order. Look how organised it all is:

Now I was all set to put them back, ready for the great reboot.

Ah . . .

It took 6 minutes to get one key back on.There were thirty-one keys missing so that means . . . 186 minutes to stick 'em all back on. Over 3 hours. The first key was also wobbly.

And didn't work.


So, the following day involved a trip to the local computer oik, who nearly laughed his acne off at my pathetic laptoppery efforts. He took great delight in telling me that new ones were £60 and had to be ordered in. I hung my head in shame and despair, keening gently and rocking. A solitary tear of sympathy rolled down his face alongside the trails of sebum and grease, dropping onto his poptart like a rainbow-hued petal as he took pity on me, saying he would look for a used one. I was pitifully grateful, and it was all sorted out in a couple of days for a lot cheaper than the initial estimate.

Still, that was a thirty-five quid glass of rum.


  1. sounds like a real drag buddy,

    I don't use a lappy and a desk top keyboard is only about $15 not sure what that comes to in your money and I desk top keyboard can be put in the dishwasher.
    sorry to hear your troubles... really

  2. Jules, Jules, Jules,

    Mixing keyboards and drinks ...ok, been there, done that, but as wise friend once told me, "if you don't know the purpose of a thing, all you'll do is abuse it."

    I'm gonna have to defer to Neo on his keyboard hygiene procedures.


  3. I hate dust, nails, crumbs, hair and all sorts of other stuff that gets caught underneath the keys, especially with a laptop as it's part of the electronics. I'm obsessively careful when it comes to my laptop, but I feel for you, I really do. I know you didn't mean to spill it.


  4. Cheers folks - the laptop chap told me that the only safe way to clean them is with an air hose, which I don't happen to have lying around the house.

    I think I'll just have to take a bit more care in future.

  5. I tried an airhose once. Unfortunately the compressor was a bit strong and I blew all the keys off. Best not to drink and try to use the computer. Concentrate on the drinking, it is better when you devote maximum effort to it.


I'm going to risk taking comment moderation off for a bit, so if you're a web-bot, a robot, a bot-fly or a bottom-dwelling sediment-feeder, then please refrain from commenting.

Otherwise, have a go. S'fun.