Monday, December 26, 2011

The Fun Starts Somewhere!

I found it a bit difficult to get into the old chrizmuzz spirit this year, due to work commitments making me do stuff for money on the 25th of December.

Normally you might think that an areligious type like myself wouldn't get particularly festive anyway, having quite literally the same amount of soul as a metre-square bit of tarmac with a dead squirrel on it. Literally.

But you'd be wronger than a monkey wearing a toupee, because I DO actually quite enjoy christmas, having been brought up in the pseudotraditional environs of working class England. Lights, glittery stuff and indoor conifers all break up the tedious grey monotony of the typical British winter, and I'm all for that. We need that bit of distraction. 

If it weren't so, why would it have persevered for so many centuries, millennia even? There must be a basic psychological benefit in having a mid-winter jolly or else why would such a thing be adopted and adapted by so many cultures and religions that have arrived in these murky island regions thinking they're the new way of doing things, when in reality we all know they're just a rehash of some old ways of doing stuff that can't change too much because their basic unit of composition is still the human being. 

Scathing about organised religion as I know I can be, I do like a bit of a knees up and the occasional present, so if that means I have to be spiritual to have a bit of fun without being labelled a hypocrite, then hand me a dog collar and pass another barbequed haunch of choir boy.

So I have missed out on the celebrations a tad, especially now I have small children because christmas is primarily about them. Watching them open their gifts on a video doesn't quite capture the full pant-wetting squeals of excitement as they realise they're allowed to play with ALL that paper, and even the toys inside if they want.

I'm not complaining really. Well, I am, but only because I'm trying to elicit sympathy despite being allowed to do a job I enjoy, which probably isn't going to happen now that I think about it.

So I won't.

Stir the violins! Play a maudlin tune of deprivation for me, fiddlers! Fiddle me sad and I shall darnce the Darnce of Melancholy, whilst wearing the blue Pashmina of Forlorn Despondence.

Oh woe! Woe is I! Woe to the max! There is woe in my hood! My hood is all woey!

There we go.

But at least we have got the New Year coming up and, if christmas is for the kids, New Years tend to be more adult orientated,. We can celebrate new starts, pretend we know more than ten per cent of the words to Auld Lang Syne and drink enough booze so that, should we collapse in a snow drift, we wouldn't actually freeze until the temperature drops to the solidifying point of ethanol. We can make solemn oaths about fresh endeavours to improve ourselves, whilst simultaneously consuming enough food and drink to smother a rhino. We can sing and dance and stay up late and party and bond and be free and above all, above all else, we can have FUN!

Oh man I love fun.

If anything, I'm more excited about the New Year than Christmas!

Oh cock, I'm on nights.



  1. i went to the movies and had chinese food with all the other pagan babies in my little town, sugarplum! NYE is my birthday so, celebrate with me when you get home because it will still be my birthday over here!! happy new you to you and the missus and the children!

    cheers! xoxoxoxox

  2. Savvy - Sounds delightful and civilised. Happy New Birthday Year to you and yours too! x

  3. I should have ben on nights over Christmas but as I worked the previous two Chriatmases it was my turn to take it as holiday. Sorry you had to work it but that's what us adults sometimes have to do for the sake of all mankind.

  4. I’m rife with envy. I have a pair of blue Bermuda Shorts of Forlorn Despondence. It’s too hot here for a pashmina, which is ever so much more despondent. You can't beat a northern clime for a mid-winter fete.

  5. Tony Van Helsing - You're absolutely correct, it is the adult, grown-up responsible thing to do. I just don't wanna!

    Jeaux - Yes. That must be awful, being forced to wear shorts and drink in the warm sunshine when all you want to do is be miserable. Awful.

  6. HA! you think the English tradition of Christmas is crazy...come to Australia mate.... My old mum used to insist on the full roast Christmas lunch in an Aussie Summer... Here, Christmas is often in the high 30's C (or more) and the house would be like a bloody sauna and there we sat, dripping with sweat, the colour running out of our Christmas cracker party hats and down our faces pretending to be happy to have a roasted meal covered with lava hot gravy just because mum had spent ages making it...
    I only know the chorus to Auld Lang Syne... (there...I've said it!)

    1. Tell me about it. I came from Canada to live down under. The difference is night and day. Great weather in Canada at Chrissie- all snow and such, making a roast Turkey is great, and only adds to the atmosphere.

      Here, its like firing up a boiler because Hell is a little cold. I still hate summer in Australia. Doesn't help that I moved to North Queensland.

  7. Tempo - Excellent! Did you have to wear woolly christmas jumpers as well, with reindeer on 'em? And thick socks?

  8. I heartily enjoy Fun, and had quite a bit of it last night, as a matter of fact.

    I should be ready for more fun by NYE.

    Eeeee. Off to lie down...


  9. Is celebrating at work out of the question? Even if alcohol is forbidden, you could still blow one of those party horns.

  10. Pearl - Sounds like that fun went straight to your head. Hope you have a lovely NYE!

    GB - That always gives me a cricked neck.

  11. Im sure you will have fun, even if on duty. For the quiet times, you can take a pen a paper and prepare your next post, in your inimitable poetic fashion, for the benefit of us all :)

    Christmas Rules! (and I'm an atheist!)

    Happy New Year Jules

  12. Joe P - Some fun was had, to be sure. Only a bit mind! Happy New Year Joe!

  13. I had something to say, but it can wait until I google "a bit of a knees up."

  14. Murr Brewster - Look it up, and then have one!


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