Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Ducking it out

At our local Water Bird Sanctuary As Long As They're Not Seagulls Centre, I made a startling discovery.

I found a Higgs boson under a rock!

Ha. No I didn't. I was messin' with ya. That would be silly. Bosons are found on merchant ships, obviously. I don't know why Higgs needs his own though. I didn't even know he was a merchant seaman.

No, the discovery I made was of a filmographic nature, involving a piece of British cinematic history.

I discovered that the terrorifying electromagnetic pulse weapon thingy in Bond James Bond's Goldeneye was named after a duck!

It's true, look:

It's a duck. With a goldeneye, golden, goldeneye,
with a goldeneye, goldeneye.
Now it turns out, you don't need much of an imagination to think up names for your weapons of imaginative destruction and your evil villains. You just need to visit a duck zoo. See:

Signs; good or bad? I'm on the fence.
"Mr Bond, I've been expecting you! I am General Smew, and this is my henchmutant. Get him Canvasback!"

There's tonnes of others.

"Widgeon, bring our guest a martini."
"Activate the groin laser, Pintail!"
"Hit him with a spade, Shoveler!"

 This post was brought to you by a man having photos on his phone and needing to do something with them.


  1. Bond is too much of a snob to bother with a Common Goldeneye. The duck is what he does when the female assassin throws her poison dart at him. Usually after the fuck.

  2. GB - Personally, I would take a poison dart to be quite the criticism, and vow to improve my technique.

  3. Haha, great post Jules. Higgs the merchant seaman :)

  4. Canvasback - evil waterfowl sporting old fashioned backpack like some malevolent duckbilled Nicholas Crane. Imagine the havoc some rusty crampons and a souped up vintage brolly could wreak, not to mention an accurately pitched board-backed Wainwright. Also, nice to see a bit of consideration for the humble chuff.

  5. Joe Pereira - Many thanks Joe!

    Chants Cottage - Choughing right!

  6. Here I thought I'd never be able to repeat this joke:

    A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest looks up and says "I'm sorry we don't allow your type in here."

    The Higgs Boson replies "But without me, how can you have mass?"



    1. How long have you been saving that joke Pearl?....

  7. Pearl - Excellent. And you can repeat anything here, from jokes to salacious gossip.

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  9. What? no seamen jokes... you missed your opportunity there mate.
    I suspect some writery fellow sits there flipping pages in some Encyclopedia somewhere writing down the names for the next movie aliens, poisons etc.
    I'm sure this is the case Jules Callipyge...

  10. I know. Usually I'm full of seamen jokes. Think I was put off my stroke by the ducks.

  11. The fact that you found a load of bird sancturary photos on your phone and decided to spit them out onto the interweb is hilarious. Anyway, I'm off to search for a Higgs boson at one of our nearby farms.

  12. mo - It'll be near the Higgs Buffalo.


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