Saturday, November 20, 2010

Charity, Limited.

We had one of these flyers through our door the other day:


First glance, they look like they are the epitome of altruism, helping poor, needy, pink skinned, blue-eyed children who can't even afford Ben 10 or Barbie Elastoplasts.

And look! In case you didn't get the message that they help children, it is reinforced by a picture of a dog:

Surely they must indeed be a worthy cause, for why otherwise would they have a picture of a dog?

In fact, this isn't a charity, but a business which aims to get you to give them your old stuff so that they can sell it on for a profit.

I haven't got a problem with that per se, but it does try and emulate charitable organisations, and it's only when you notice there's a company number at the bottom rather than a charity reference, you realise.

It's even got the dodgy spelling that real charity fliers have.

Personally, I tend to give my old stuff away (if it's one of those rare items that I haven't destroyed doing whatever it is I do that turns clothes into rags within weeks) to charities like the Salvation Army, because they go directly to people who need them, rather than via a shop or agency.

This one is a bit cynical mind, although it defends itself by saying it provides clothes to the less well off.

This is true. If they pay for them.

I'm not here to bang on about faux chariddy, but it was the marketing technique of this one that got me thinking. Obviously, someone has read that cute things have big eyes and outsize heads, playing on our inherent protective instincts of infantile things. From this, they have decided that the dog must be photoshopped to have an even bigger head and bigger eyes than you might find in the real world.

Because, obviously, you can't find a picture of a genuine cute puppy anywhere, can you?

Look at this one though:
Hideous.

A normal picture of a real one would've been better, even if it is one of those tiny dogs which are supposed to be fluffy and white but have those horrible reddy-orange patches where they constantly drool, lick or piss on themselves.

So I wonder where cute ends and hideous begins. Probably the cutest thing I've ever seen on the internet is that Slow Loris being tickled. It's got the big eyes, the gentle demeanour and the appropriate baby-like visage to bring out all the gooeyness in you.

The makers of Shrek got it down pat with Puss in Boots:

What about stuff people have phobias about. Is a baby snake cute? A spider?


I think that's fairly cute.

This however, was supposed to be, but misses the mark by an order of ew:

What are they trying to do? Encourage little girls to hate babies?

Nasty.

Of course some humans, who worry about what they look like because they no longer have to worry about eating or being eaten, notice when someone else is cuter than they are and then try and increase their own cute levels when they feel they are in deficit, with mixed results.

You see, this is cute:


However, despite much thought, work and money, this is . . . er . . :

. . . I don't think anybody knows what this is, but cute isn't the adjective that immediately springs to mind.

I suppose we should remember the shallow subjectivity of beauty, and maybe we can all be cute on the inside.

Actually, scratch that. I've seen a liver.

Anyway, the company that started off this train of thought, Rutex Ltd, leaves its email address at the bottom of the flyer, so I have sent them a message telling them I am a Nigerian finance minister, who needs to store three million Euros worth of penis enlarging pills in their office, and if they send me their account details and passwords I will give them a hefty consultation fee, 100% honest, may your God or Gods be kind to you.

Wonder if they'll fall for it accept my business proposition.

37 comments:

  1. There are some things that just shouldn't be witnessed on a snowy Saturday morning, before even imbibing hot coffee, and you found every one of them! Well almost every one. You were missing naked Margaret Thatcher brandishing a sex toy and pouting her wrinkled lipsticked lips. However, I didn't notice as I was too busy shrieking and hiding behind my desk after viewing that last photo...

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  2. Jules, this was fabulous. I was just talking about the over-use of over-cutified, over-photoshopped babies and women with some friends last night.

    And the picture of the guy with the lips? That's gonna bug me all day. Was that what's-his-face, the "right 'round baby right 'round" guy?

    Pearl

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  3. Veggie Ass - Yeah, thanks for that imagery. I was going to have a . . . er . . . bit of time to myself late, but I don't think I can now.

    Pearl - Yep, Pete Burns, who has spun so far round he now looks like a member of another species.

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  4. Cute is so overused! As a teen, cute was my girl friend. As a man, cute was my wife until she was overtaken by my cute daughters. Now Im older my grandkids are cute..but so to are spiders and other things that live under rocks.
    Cute is subjective... (but I agree about that last pic...) Fancy photoshopping your face in real life!!!

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  5. Awful. I imagine little old ladies who fall for that Nigerian rubbish will also believe that they are giving their old polyester dresses to a good cause with this rubbish.

    That baby is weird looking. But then I don't tend to find babies cute.

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  6. Tempo - I wish I looked that good mate. A couple more botox jabs and the blood of a virgin sheep clone and I should be there.

    Baglady - I suppose they could say they were providing a service by making old ladies feel good for a few hours until they realised it wasn't a charity.

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  7. I love Puss in Boots! Now the lady at the end was scarier than the spider, which was icky. Can you even imagine paying for that? I think you handled the non-charity issue very well and I hope they fall for it.

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  8. I just read an article about that spider (he said with absolutely no segway involved) and it can actually see in the ultraviolet spectrum!

    That's it, I have nothing else beside great post as usual sir.

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  9. Mama W - Yup, the lady on the end is all the more terrifying for not being a lady! Nasty.

    SkylersDad - Thank you, and I enjoyed that fact sir. Apparently, a lot of arthropods see the same. If you looked at flowers through a bee's eyes, it would be all ultra-violet striations and patterns directing them to where the nectar is. That's pretty cool. For a bee.

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  10. Photoshopping animals and humans to have exaggerated features is only the tip of the iceberg of evil.

    I can't stand when they make animals stand up and dance or talk as a human. It's unnatural and deeply disturbing.

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  11. That bothers me quite a bit. Even more so because of the terrible photoshopping.

    And I would agree with Baglady about the baby, but I'm not sure whom it belongs to. And in cases like that, it's best to say nothing...isn't it?

    Did a good job with that, I think.

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  22. Eric - Except parrots. And Frenchmen.

    otherworldlyone - "Oh, your baby's . . . young, isn't he . . ."

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  25. The joy of Pete Burns. I remember bopping away at uni to them. What a lark. We have endless quantities of those pseudo charity bags. They must think we buy far too many clothes and never through out a thing. Maybe it's an evil ploy by M. DeFarge to make space in the wardrobes.

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