Friday, October 22, 2010

Voice Recognition

I really didn't want to turn this into some sort of parent-y blog, because there are lots out there better at it and far more gooey than what I am. Unfortunately, at the moment, it's all I know . . .

So apologies, both for the lack of posts and the repetition of this theme, and I will understand if you decline to read on because you're missing intellectual discussions on mobility scooters, floating leaves, boobs and toilets.

If you're still here?

Well, ta.

-------------------------------------

Do you remember being a kid, and being almost asleep but not quite, but too tired to open your eyes? In that nice little, swirly zone just before you actually go under, when you're so pleasantly relaxed that scientists would actually be able to classify you as a liquid?

I loved that feeling. Still do in fact. These days, I'm usually able to get myself to sleep, eventually, although I do still find it hard to "switch off" as people who are very good at kipping tell me you're supposed to do. When I do that, I concentrate so hard on switching off it perks me right up.

Anyway, eventually, I usually manage to find the appropriately monotonous thought routine that bores me into submission, and off I go.

When you are tiny, you often need a spot of help, and that is often the sounds of your parents' voices, either reading to you or just general chit chat.

That's a bit of a dilemma for a parent, because you want to get them off to sleep, so you use your most soporific of voices, and read The Gruffalo in a quiet and surprisingly camp lilt

But what if it's not necessary?

What if you can just witter on about the days necessities and still get them off to sleep?

I remember, if sleeping in the car or somewhere, how nice it was hearing my parents' voices, not even quietly, chatting away about how fags had gone up to 50p a pack and it was health and safety gone mad, whatever health and safety were. You could happily drift off knowing they were nearby, and you didn't care what they were talking about, or even if you could hear the words, as long as they were in the near vicinity, just as long as they were there and you could safely have a kip.

Your mum could've had a voice like an eagle on helium, but you'd still be able to fall asleep listening to it.

Nowadays, I am the baritonic rumble that helps send my baby off to sleep. It's never when I'm trying to get her off, but only when I happen to be walking her around, or pushing her in the buggy and chatting quite normally, when suddenly I notice she's zonked out, snoring gently into a pool of dribble on my shoulder, or slumped forward with head at a disconcertingly trachea-warping angle.

Then, I change to a whisper and immediately, she wakes as if thinking I must be talking about her. Which is possibly the case.

It's not just voices either. Stick on the Hoover next to her head, and not a peep. Rustle a piece of paper in the next room and her eyes spring open like the guard in a jail just as your about to steal the keys off of his belt.

I wonder if this is an evolutionary trait, in that loud noises nearby are most likely simply everyday things going on, and present no danger, but the quiet rustle of a leaf or gentle snap of a twig could very well be a big hungry, toothy thing sneaking up on you.

There'll be a paper on it somewhere, by a scientist with an interest in babies getting eaten.

Whatever it is, it's nice when they drop off and, despite my theory that I could talk at normal volume with no ill effect, I still creep around her like a particularly nervous ninja, even though I could possibly just carry on stomping around singing Amarillo in a croaky falsetto.

But still, would you want to risk disturbing this:

Nuh-uh.

36 comments:

  1. I loved "a voice like an eagle on helium". And really, don't worry - I can't abide kids but my love of your writing is far stronger.

    On two unconnected points:

    1. Coming to our bloggers' meet-up in London on 11th December?
    2. Do you spend quite a lot of time writing your posts in the blogger editor? I only ask because they keep appearing in my blogroll with a publication date of several hours ago. I just wonder if that means people will miss spotting some of your posts. Might be better to manually set the publication date for a point just in the future so they go up when you've finished rather than when you started (if that makes sense)?

    ReplyDelete
  2. MLS - Glad about that. You don't want to bore anyone, although I don't think I have enough discipline to keep an unruly blog under control!

    I'm on a nasty set of night shifts that weekend, unfortunately, which is a pity because I already saw your post and started trying to plan attending.

    As to the other question, I do actaully set my post time options, and then tut when Blogger completely ignores them. It's in a US format which I can't seem to change.

    It is worse when I finish off a post I began a few days ago, bvut not sure why it's got it in for me!

    I'll have another bash at resetting it.

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wondered why I sometimes miss your posts by a day or more...Hmm!

    Yes, I used to love that dreamy feeling where you're not quite sure if youre awake or floating ever so slightly off the floor... but then I had tiny twin daughters with milk allergys and terrible sleep habits and a wife who fell apart in a blue heap of Post Natal Depression. I spent three months in that 'not awake/not asleep' cloud of cotton wool.... I'm over it!
    I had the same thoughts regarding the evolutionary traits of self survival and babies sleeping patterns watching mine sleep...sad aint it?!
    .

    ReplyDelete
  4. I see she's still got a lot of hair going on there then. And we've discovered your soft spot. So sweet. Can you do CDs, so that I can drop off to sleep too?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Being Liquid is a feeling I love and by far and away the best description of it! I can sometimes snatch a moment between the alarm going off and actually getting out of bed. . .

    ReplyDelete
  6. This post made me sleepy. In a good way.

    I like it when you're parent-y.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Volumes could be written on the art of getting children off to sleep. I never seemed to have a problem, maybe it's just that I am boring. Shirley wasted no time in handing Emmylee to me in front of the pc, then returning in 5 to put her to bed. "Snoring gently into a pool of dribble" best bit, wish I had a dollar for every pool of dribble on my shoulder.

    AV

    ReplyDelete
  8. I would always sing to my son to get him to sleep, he liked my lower voice than his moms. Nowadays we use drugs.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My oldest and I actually have a thing called "talk-cuddle" which is exactly what it sounds like. And it puts us both to sleep in her tiny bed a few nights a week.

    Good post! I particularly remember falling asleep in the car while my parents drove and chatted. Exactly as you described it, exactly so.

    ReplyDelete
  10. you know it truly never ends. my 4 are all grown up (super nana just celebrated her 30something b-day!), but as one of them said, sometimes, just hearing my voice on the phone will set them off to sleep! *snickering* naw, just kidding. enjoy these day, sugar, they go by so quickly! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  11. When my six were little I was a firm believer that I didn't have to be quiet when they were babies and like you discovered they could sleep through any loud noises but the opening of a bag of chips or a candy bar and oh yeah baby they were wide awake.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Whenever I babysit I find that pumping sleeping gas into the bedroom helps a lot with the "dropping off" thing. However, shhhhhh, don't tell anyone or they'll all be doing it.

    Dude, don't sing "Amarillo" or she'll get up and march around gathering other babies as she goes. Then what will you do, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Not to get all parent-y back on you... but the fact is, there's nothing better than when your kid feels safe enough with you to fall asleep in your arms.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sorry for the delay in commenting. I've been off camping it up in the Peak District.

    Tempo - Not sad. Having children gradually replaces any vaguely intellectual or profound thoughts we might entertain with drooling and worry, so I'd treasure them while we can. Imbecility awaits!

    Mdme DeF - Another trim on the way, I reckon. And yes, the oxytocin rush nature forced on me when I became a parent means I am now pretty soppy with kids. Damn you evolution!

    Cass - Ah, that lovely moment between the fourth and fifth time you've pressed the snooze button . .

    Beta Dad - I've been told before I can induce sleepiness. Usually during a pronlonged conversation.

    AV - Maybe you have a very compfortable shoulder?

    SkylersDad - For you or him?

    Nicole - That's rather sweet. If I fall asleep first, I get my ear picked or my nose used as an imaginary gear stick.

    Savvy - Charming! And I will.

    Mama Wheaton - *wide eyed stare* Sorry, just getting over the word 'six'. And children do seem to have some sort of extra-sensory prescience when it comes to opening packets of crisps and sweets?

    Veggie Ass - Is that a fart euphemism? Cos I'm willing to try it.

    Didactic Pirate - Nice, innit?

    ReplyDelete
  15. No matter how logical maintaining the volume seems - you cannot help but try and tip toe out. They wake every time. you have that bang on

    ReplyDelete
  16. Glen - Welcome, and don't they just!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Not really a baby lovin kinda gal but god dammit that little strawberry pout is ridiculously cute.

    ReplyDelete
  18. So if you ever work late, do you drive the ambulance home with the siren on? Nature / nurture, if the latter, your child could sleep through almost anything?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Judearoo - I think so too, but then I could be biased.

    Eric - A good idea. In fact, I think I'll to take her to work with me for full benefit of exposure, although not sure where the patients are going to go if the stretcher's occupied by a baby.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am honored to wander your blog. Thousands of points can invite you to my blog to be exchanges. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  28. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I would like to invite you to visit my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Are pleased to come to your blog to read your article! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

I'm going to risk taking comment moderation off for a bit, so if you're a web-bot, a robot, a bot-fly or a bottom-dwelling sediment-feeder, then please refrain from commenting.

Otherwise, have a go. S'fun.