Thursday, September 23, 2010

Security to the pussy aisle.

Continuing my recent intellectual sojourn into the world of law and order, where I suggested we might have a more individualised legal system, or possibly even a set of personal laws for every single person in country, I suddenly realised that, even if it came to pass, we might be our own worst enemy in implementing such a scheme.

You see, we know where we are with a set of rules. We like it. We like limits.

Why do we stop at red lights if we can see there's nothing coming?*

What would happen if red lights were treated as a Give Way rather than a Stop? Possibly not a huge amount, although if it did happen I'd take out shares in insurance companies.

Is the primary reason we stop at a red is because we are afraid of being caught? That the unseen police vehicle will jump out from behind a stack of paperwork and nee-naw you into submission, or that this set of lights is one of those evil HAL 9000 ones which record your transgression, and then if you try and get it to let you off just says "I can't do that Dave." in its monotonic yet strangely camp voice.

In some countries street signs, road markings and street furniture have been removed from towns as an experiment to see what happens to the accident rate, which is a noble pursuit and one I would heartily agree with as long as such a trial wasn't carried out in my home town. No one has right of way, no one knows where a street ends or begins, and the traffic lights were all taken offline.

Rather than the carnage one might expect, the accident rate dropped.

To zero.

Ostensibly, this was because drivers took more care, drove more slowly and were far more observant than if they blindly assumed they had right of way and therefore couldn't be blamed for any nastiness that might occur.

So, no rules makes people more careful, more considerate maybe?

Interesting argument for anarchy there.

Of course, the police have generally got far more important things to do than wait for red-light transgressions, and the lights themselves are usually empty of film, haven't had their memories erased for two years or are covered in graffiti, so it's unlikely that you will get caught should you decide to take your first foray into the criminal underworld in this fashion.

I do like to think though, that we don't generally burgle or murder other people (no matter how much we want to sometimes) solely because we're afraid of the consequences, but more because we realise it's intrinsically wrong, ethically as well as legally.

Policing the law depends on our goodwill, and our belief that, in general, we fair better with the rules, despite their occasional hindrance to us at a personal level, than without them. So we'll stop at the red light, even at three in the morning, when sensible people are having a kip.

So we should not obey our laws through fear, but because we think they are reasonable limits to our liberties that allow us to live together relatively happily.

The police are then faced with only a relatively small number of transgressors, which they can invest more resources into bringing to justice for us, and also making shows where they show lots of bad drivers being caught, and suspiciously few bad drivers getting away with it.

Because we have to live with them, it's important not to accept any old laws our glorious leaders put before us, especially those disguised as "for our own safety", or "to ensure our continued freedom". If something comes from authority, it is almost certainly untrustworthy, so it is vital that one questions its origins, its merits and its possible consequences.

This mindset seems rare today, with too many people letting the tabloids do their critical analysis for them, effectively letting sales-driven humanities graduates decide what's important in society. Do we really want someone who got a third in Communication Studies trying to tell us what laws are important, what homeopathic medicines cure cancer, and what science that they barely comprehend is going to save/destroy us, just because they have a loud voice in a paper?

Sorry, ranted a bit there.

Anyway, security is so ingrained in us that this supermarket I went to the other day realised it could save money by not actually having security guards in place, but just by placing their hats in a prominent position as you walk in, reminding us that they could totally secure our arses if they wanted to, even if security's not actually present at that moment in time:

Hats are better than real guards. They don't sleep, need breaks, choke shoplifters to death and rarely steal Double Deckers from the confectionery aisle and blame teenagers.

Just a quick buff and a peak-tweak and they're ready for the shift.

Unfortunately, there is a significant minority in the populace who feel that they can parasitize the rest of us, who can't compete with legitimate enterprise so they have to nick stuff. This is particularly a problem when items of extreme value are at stake:


Someone who desperately wanted a nice tin of Pussy drink but was too embarrassed to pay for it might very well take it into their dehydration addled brain to shoplift, and then what would the shop do?

Sometimes, you need more than hats.



*Most of the time, anyway.

30 comments:

  1. Mmmm, I must go to the UK to pick up a six-pack of Pussy.

    Great argument for anarchy there, but I wonder what would happen if someone from a neighboring town expected all the lights to work, but were uninformed? Be aware that in Texas, we all have guns, so that 'hooligan' stuff that we read about in the UK will really get someone hurt over here.

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  2. After squinting a bit at the photo it looks as though that's not just pussy, but "pussy natural". Arguably a better steal than pussy synthetic. Wouldn't really blame them for having a bit - some might say it tastes better when it’s taken, rather than freely given. But they're probably doing 10-20, so what do they know?

    You have security guards in your supermarkets over there? Goodness.

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  3. The security guards are there under those hats- they are just really tiny. It saves space.

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  4. So it comes in six-packs now, does it?

    You know, you never can tell with people. Some people, given the opportunity, might just run every light, every sign, simply out of spite. On the other hand, I do believe that most people follow rules because they are there, because they make sense, and at the end of the day what 90% of us want is to arrive home safely.

    Pearl

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  5. Eric - But don't the hooligans get guns as well? I'll snd some Pussy your way.

    otherworldlyone - You're right, natural seems better, although maybe I should refer judgement till I've sampled both.

    Helen McCB - Sound reasonable and efficient. I presume they would use some sort of Lilliputian restraining technique for the ne'er-do-wells.

    Pearl - Saves time. And I think you're right. Wonder if I'm in that 90%?

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  6. You shouldn't be the least bit embarrassed about buying pussy cola. Just walk to the till with a big grin on your face and look right in the eyes of the checkout girl. It's all totally legal.

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  7. GB - It's not the way I was going to use it.

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  8. That is amazing about the zero accident rate. I like your mind diving into law and order lately. I'd probably move to your planet if you got your own.

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  9. I'm sorry, but if I opened the seal on a freshly procured Pussy and it was fizzing at me, I think I would never go near another one again.

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  10. I have seen a drink from I believe Iceland that was better than plain pussy, it was called "Pussy Wind"...

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  11. You know, in North America we CAN turn on a red light if nothing's coming so long as it's a right turn (with a few exceptions). Of course you couldn't do that in the UK as you drive on the wron....left side, therefore you'd cause some pretty splendiferous accidents. But turning left on a red might work! Or if you shun all laws like me you could just drive through the red light on the pavement and take out some old people at the same time. I'm not sure it's legal but it works.

    I don't really do that.

    Not since I quit coke.

    Kidding.

    Maybe.

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  12. Wow, twa - It would be made of chocolate. And boobs.

    Mr Mischief - I understand that there are plenty of alternative beverages to try, if you're curious!

    SkylersDad - What noise did it make coming out of the tin?

    Veggie Ass - Nah, you don't seem like a quitter to me. And I'm well aware of the right-turn-on-a-red-light thing in the states, having nearly got whacked by a car doing just that in California. The driver seemed a bit bemused by the stream of English-accented abuse he got before I was informed he actually had right of way. Oops.

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  13. That would not sell here in OZ.. at least not much. Guys would buy it for their mates as a stir and I guess a few girls would buy it for when their boyfriend asked for a bit of...er...!
    Our damn cameras always have film and lots of it. We even have hidden cameras to check our cars are registered..if not they go on THE LIST! (you dont want to know)
    The only thing we dont have is cops on the beat, doing real cop work. Theyre all on speed cameras making money for the government. (winge, bitch, gripe)

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  14. Tempo - Oz does have a reputation for being very anal when it comes to their car laws. Spin your wheels in a car park and get a fine, even if you're an F1 champion.

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  15. Don't get me started on crime. It's my job. Served me well for years. I've got a certificate and everything.

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  16. Funny about the hats for security.

    When we must go to the doctor for my husband, we stay in an "extended stay" hotel in Houston where they bought a security patrol car at auction and they just move it around and put it in a different area of the parking lot every day or so.

    It's kind of a budget joint LOL

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  17. Mdme DeF - Are you a criminalologist? Cooooool . . .

    Lunamother - We had a trial using cut-out cardboard coppers on top of motorway bridges tp slow traffic down, but they had a higher success rate than real ones so got sidelined!

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  18. Hello my fellow ambulanceman.
    I have a trophy for you to collect at my place.

    Proceed at once with blues and twos to Clouds and silvery Linings and you will see a medium sized green picture LOL

    How are you, Jules?
    Cheers, Eddie

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  19. Eddie - I'm good thanks. Still not enough hours in the day, but that's just shoddy planning I reckon. And thank you for my award. I shall give it some mulling.

    ReplyDelete
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