Friday, March 6, 2009

Food of the sods

After a busy few days of having to endure real life and earn moolah so I can keep the household residents in parsley and plastic tat, I finally have time to write a blog entry. In fact, that whole busy-busy-busy malarky reminds me how much I appreciate a break halfway through, albeit a very short, temporary one. There are few better things for a working man with a strong limbic system than a nice dinner in the middle of a hard day (other than some sex and a cool beer at the end of it, maybe).

Mmm . . . sex and beer . . .

Sorry, where was I. Oh yes. Dinner.

Being on a health kick lately, I have eschewed my usual routine of forgetting to take lunch with me and then buying some high fat, butter-endowed pastry concoction of artery-clogging loveliness, and have instead been taking in some pre-cooked home-made meals all ready to be microwaved.

I consider cookery to be heating things up. I'm quite good with raw toast and have been known to slice cheese quite thinly, but other than that I'm not what you'd call a natural in the kitchen. So, being ignorant in the culinary arts I was, of course, intially sceptical. How could that very hot cupboard in my kitchen, apparently called an oven, compete with the almighty power of Ginsters and their ethereal pie-magic? That was until my good lady wife demonstrated the power of quality cooking, and gave me a hot and frankly delicious chilli to take in. It was lovely, filling and, amazingly, quite good for me. And no pie can compete with a chilli, even a healthy one.

Although, what about Chilli Pie? No, I mustn't contemplate such things. That way madness lies.

It's going well, this eating stuff from home lark. It's better for me, it's more economical and it makes me look like I care about what I eat, so my colleagues think I'm a strong, decisive character. Soon, I will no doubt be given a raise by managers nodding in admiring unison at my perceived competence.

Unfortunately, this effect was rather spoiled when, with hunger gnawing at the very marrow of my being, I dropped my pasta 'n home-made sauce down the back of the works fridge:


So, after a rapid clean-up (which involved moving the refrigerator a foot to the right whilst whistling nonchalantly), I made a quick visit to a local eatery, and after perusing the offers of salads and fruit, opted for a Cornish pasty. Made of cow and lard. Vegetables were represented by some stilton, as this has mould on it.

It would seem that good intentions regarding my own health and welfare are merely a thin veneer coating a chassis of self-destructive greed and short-sighted gluttony.

Mmm . . . self-destructive greed and short-sighted gluttony. . .

I don't think I'm the only person suffering this lack of moral fibre, but plenty of people manage to overcome it, sometimes for two or three weeks at a time. So my plan for the future is not to fall at the first hurdle, but to try and eat a bit more healthily as much as I can, although it's a well known historical fact that plans can survive anything except direct contact with reality.

Still, I can but try.

Right, I'm off for a curry.


  1. There's no a man who hasnae survived on the Ginsters diet at some point in his life.

    In actual fact they are quite tasty if you remove the pastry, and the filling first, before you eat one.

    Thank the christ for a poke of chups.

  2. Jules - I am impressed by your recuperative powers. Being led astray by tempting healthiness is a sure fire way to ruin and despair. Give in to the dark side of the curry. Embrace your inner lard.

  3. Fruit, vegetables, insects and farting. Follow that formula and you'll be as healthy as a gorilla.

  4. Jules,

    I suppose there's a place for healthy eating, but it's not where I live.


  5. You're a good writer. I enjoy reading your work. It's entertaining and it flows. Keep it up.

  6. Jimmy - Ha, true. I like the Zen Ginsters thing you have going on there!

    Mdme DeF - I shall, thank you. There's a few like minded people on this blog site, isn't there?

    GB - Is that the F-plan?

    The U - I believe that place is near the Mediterranean. Ot maybe the moon.

    Logistician - Thank you very much. I'll try my damnedest!

  7. I wish you tons of luck in your journey to eat healthy.Although as a junk food junkie myself,I have no helpful hints to help you along the way.

  8. lol on the raw toast comment.

    i will suggest the whiny make me some poetry and post the results in the alemanac.


  9. Thinkinofyou - Well thanks for that. I shall take your lack of advice under advisement.

    Miss A - I wonder if it'll be as darkly original as all other emo poetry?

  10. Ditto Madame D...
    But also embrace your inner chocolate...

  11. I miss the days of eating raw cheese toasties! :P
    I say eat whatever. chances are you have to watch what you eat when you get old anyway.

  12. eat what you like, sugar! life's too short to be mean! ;) xoxox

  13. I got to the picture and cracked up

    Oh bugger

  14. Scarlet - Wouldn't it melt?

    Faker - I'm going to get in shape when I'm older. A circle is a shape, isn't it?

    Savannah - A little bit of what you fancy does you good eh? What about a bucketful of what you fancy?

    Maggie May - It was, in the words of Terry Pratchett, an embuggerance.


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